Negativity, Control and Hate?

How can he be so hateful towards someone?  How can he decide who can come into our home?  Why can he decree that I cannot have friends in my own home?  My friends have never done anything to him.  He is offended by little boys who are just little boys?  He acts like the pouting child more than they do?  Why does he deteriorate into such a negative person?  I am working on Christmas cards and he asks me while I am in the middle of writing one if we can go to a movie this week.  I simply say "umhmm" in the affirmative as I am in the middle of a thought and he gets angry and swears? 

Why doesn't he see how hurtful he is when he drinks?  I kept something from him the other day because he had been drinking and I thought he was in a foul mood.  He was then angry with me the next day for keeping it from him.  Then he is angry that I didn't know about a charge on our child's credit card?  I didn't look at the bill and I deserve anger?  How can I do so much wrong in his eyes?  I wonder why my confidence takes such a beating and find that the more time I spend with him, the less loving he is not just towards me but towards everyone! 

He seems to enjoy being spiteful, hateful, judgemental and thrives on making sure everyone else knows how sour he seems to be feeling.  Why does alcohol do this?  Why can't he see that betrayal of our relationship and the relationship with his children is taking place?  It is evident that the kids would prefer to be almost anywhere else but here when he is drinking and he doesn't get it!

I pray for the softening of his heart. I pray that he becomes willing to seek help and speak with someone.  I pray that I can be fearlessly honest with him and that I can be more understanding.  Where I am having difficulty being understanding that I can be compassionate and that I can be more in tuned to what might be offencive.  I also pray for the courage to challenge him where I need to and wisdom to discern when to challenge and when to be compassionate.  I wish I could understand better what my role is to be if he remains in denial and won't admit there is a problem.

I wish my heart didn't hurt so much.  I know that God gives me strength and i know he is with me, but I need Him to shore up my faith to mend my heart and help me to forgive the barbs and negative comments.

Praying for hope, healing, faith and strength.