It is to the point now that I wonder if i am going crazy sometimes. There are things I have told him like the need for the car due to a rescheduled night class, the business of the week due to two classes, driver training for one child and band concert etc. Then he is frustrated that he has to pick up our son at the drivers course and plays insulted that he wasn't invited to the band concert before the day of???
When I married this man, he wanted to play football with our children and do stuff. I am not sure that he has thrown a football with our son in recent memory. I get so frustrated over the things that he seems to be forgetting. I try to remember to email them into his calendar, but do I really need to put every detail in for him?
It isn't just disappointing for me. I am sure that our son would have appreciated Dad being at his last Grade 12 Christmas concert or our daughter would appreciate if he came to church to hear her sing instead of having an unexpected drunken sob fit while she was practicing the guitar and then swearing at us that we don't remember his mother while he walks away.
The drinking pattern seemed to be changing and now I just don't get my hopes up. If he is sober one evening, great. I thought I had the courage to say something this weekend, but I wimped out.
How dare he comment that he is disappointed with how late I came to bed. I was working on my essay for my night class. How many times have I tried to wake him at 10 pm to no avail and he stumbles into our room at 2 or 3 in the morning and clumsily and noisily coming to bed.
I know that I have to raise the issue, but why do I feel so isolated? Who could I get to help me with this? The kids are even beginning to question why I don't say anything to him. I think my daughter thinks I should leave, but I don't think that is the answer.
I try to give lots of heads up when something is happening, but it doesn't seem to help. I guess I will just keep telling him and hope that he remembers the important stuff, but am beginning to believe that he just happens to select what he wants to remember or he is drinking more than I think he is.
None of this seems clear after trying to write an essay until this time of night. Hoping that there is a chance to actually discuss things with out putting him on the defence over the holidays. Well time for sleep.
Good night and pray for God's wisdom, race and understanding for all those living with alcoholism
God bless.
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