Alone?

There is always a desire for family dinners together.  A chance to have a family dinner is once again shunned because it is a Christmas family dinner at the Church.  I try to find the good. I try to give the benefit of the doubt.  I invited him to join us. He was invited by a friend from the church after he dropped my off last night.  I am tired of being alone when I go to church events.

Why is it acceptable to turn down my invitation to church events?  Last year an elderly gentleman invited me to a great show which would be nice to see.  I suspect he felt that I was single given he had never met my husband.  It is preferable to sit at home alone than to join us for dinner.  That is what makes me wonder if trying is worth it.  There is no real intimacy. There is not chivalry. There is no being made to feel like I am important.  There is no invitations from the other side.  Yes, I may be guilty of not initiating things, but when belittled, criticised, continually independent, and the only affection seems to come after booze starts, then what am I trying for.  I know that I am allowing little things to get to me and that there is a bigger plan.  I cannot pretend it is all a rose garden, unless it is after the blooms are gone.  Will the blooms return to the prickly branches?  Will there be a spring after this winter chill?

What can I find that is worth looking forward to?  What can there be that is positive?  Where can I change my attitude? How can I let go and give everything to God.  I would like to but think I am doubting.

Psalm 91

1 The person who rests in the shadow of the Most High God
    will be kept safe by the Mighty One.
2 I will say about the Lord,
    “He is my place of safety.
He is like a fort to me.
    He is my God. I trust in him.”

3 He will certainly save you from hidden traps
    and from deadly sickness.
4 He will cover you with his wings.
    Under the feathers of his wings you will find safety.
    He is faithful. He will keep you safe like a shield or a tower.
5 You won’t have to be afraid of the terrors that come during the night.
    You won’t have to fear the arrows that come at you during the day.
6 You won’t have to be afraid of the sickness that attacks in the darkness.
    You won’t have to fear the plague that destroys at noon.
7 A thousand may fall dead at your side.
    Ten thousand may fall near your right hand.
    But no harm will come to you.
8 You will see with your own eyes
    how God punishes sinful people.

9 The Lord is the one who keeps you safe.
    So let the Most High God be like a home to you.
10 Then no harm will come to you.
    No terrible plague will come near your tent.
11 The Lord will command his angels
    to take good care of you.
12 They will lift you up in their hands.
    Then you won’t trip over a stone.
13 You will walk all over lions and cobras.
    You will crush mighty lions and poisonous snakes.

14 The Lord says, “I will save the one who loves me.
    I will keep him safe, because he trusts in me.
15 He will call out to me, and I will answer him.
    I will be with him in times of trouble.
    I will save him and honor him.
16 I will give him a long and full life.
    I will save him.”