Frozen

Is it possible?  Can it be?  Am I letting satan manipulate my world?  I am feeling more and more isolated, more and more overwhelmed and less and less in control.  I am trying to relinquish control to God.  What is causing me to be so sad?  Why is it so disappointing?  Where has the importance of truth gone?

Couple weeks ago, the drinking habits changed.  I asked point blank. "Is there a doctor's appointment coming up?"
"No." was the firm response.
Again, I let my hopes interfere.  Again, I think that maybe it will stop.  Sunday, mean and illogical argument.  I wasn't sure.  "Have you been drinking?"
"No! What does that have to do with anything?" is the question back.
"It just doesn't make sense."
We arrive to pick up the kids and ask to make introductions.  Then the cold evening wind carries the sickly smell of alcohol into my face.  I am in shock!  Driving?  Now driving my son home?  How much had been consumed?  Why was this lie being perpetuated?  Why am I blindsided by it?

Then Wednesday night, I find out that there is actually a medical appointment!  Another lie!  Why am I so surprised?  Last night, it starts all over again, the blue travellers coffee mug has been christened with wine once again!  Tonight it continues!  Why does this bring everything to a stand still?  I can't concentrate?  I can't focus?  I have a paper to right and nothing is connecting? 

I have found a source of help.  It is truly amazing how God works.  It scares me that I am realizing that I need healing and that I may begin the road of healing alone.  Is it possible that my healing will never be complete without the drinking stopping? What happens if I begin the road of "recovery from co-dependency" on my own?  What happens if one of us is left behind?  What is the trigger that will make it evident that I am not the only one who needs help?

How do I get past this feeling of having been immobilized?  Frozen?  Helpless?  I struggle to see through the thoughts of worry.  I am praying for strength.  I am seeking God's discernment, courage and so need his love.   I am asking for peace. I am asking for healing. I am asking for courage and strength.  I am asking for discernment and guidance to the path God has for me.  I am asking that the kids are embraced in Your arms Lord and are also guided by Your love, wisdom and strength.   I ask that you soften the heart and make us each a strong witness and a loving example that reflects Your love.  I ask this in your most Holy name Lord as you promised.

John 16:23-24

New International Version (NIV)

²³ In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ²⁴ Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

 

"The only fear that God encourages in a Christian’s life is the fear of God (2 Cor. 5:10–11;_Heb. 10:31). Fear of people does not come from God. The problem is that many Christians fear people more than they fear God. Their fear hinders them from pleasing God because they waste their efforts appeasing other people. Timothy was a young man, timid by nature, and_probably not strong physically (1 Tim. 5:23). He knew of Paul’s frequent trials and persecutions. He knew that he, too, might suffer those same persecutions. Paul reminded his young colleague that fear of others does not come_from God.
Fear causes us to stop and question what God has clearly told us to do. Perhaps we were confident in our obedience until persecution came; now we doubt whether we heard God correctly. Most fear is fear of the unknown. We do not know what lies ahead of us, so we become apprehensive. Our imaginations can magnify problems until they seem insurmountable. We need a sound mind to see things in proper perspective. That is why God gave us His Holy Spirit, to enable us to see things as God sees them.
Fear is no excuse to disobey God. There is no reason to live in fear when you have the mighty presence of the Holy Spirit within you. Fear will enslave you, but Christ has come to set you free. Ask God to free you from any fear you are experiencing and to open your eyes. As He reveals the reality of your situation, He will enable you to continue in obedience."  Blackaby Ministries International Feb 3rd, 2012 devotional.

Thank you Lord for the calm and the peace you send.  It only takes time in your word to rid myself of those fears.  Help me to have stronger faith and help me not to waiver. 

God bless,