Hard work

I know that anything worth while is worth working for, but what happens when you realize that the work required is uneven.  Pairs need equitable teamwork.  A pair of oxen or horses would end up in circles if one is working harder than the other.  A dance partnership would land on its face or behind if one worked harder than the other.

How do I know if I am working hard enough?  Am I working at protecting myself or am I really making an effort for our relationship?  I have dug some holes in the sense that I am doing a lot of things. Things that help me to avoid what may be wrong, difficult or necessary. 

I find it more an more challenging to spend time with someone who seems to be absorbed in the tv, has no desire to spend time with our friends or do anything together away from the TV.  I no longer like the same kind of shows, watch a fraction of TV and feel that the lack of effort in respecting my wishes in eroding any efforts I have made. 

Even common courtesy seems to be falling away.  When he is late for work, there is never a phone call. When he is out of town there is never a message confirming safe arrival, but I work hard to do that.  I don't understand why this is happening.  I don't appreciate being the one that is trying, but I can see where the activities I am choosing may also contribute to dividing us further.

I have chosen to try to work smarter in other areas of my life.  How can we both work smarter towards building our relationship rather than eroding what is left of it? I need help in forgiving the judgements, the curt comments and the cutting criticism.  I don't know how to put a stop to it and feel like I freeze when it happens which I am sure does nothing to prevent it again. 

Hoping that I can find the right path in 2013 and determine the right way of dealing with things.
Needing prayer and wisdom to move in the steps that God would have me.