Stress

What are the stressors?  Which one's have I imposed on myself? Which ones are imposed by others? 
It it hard not to feel sorry for myself and even harder if I think about all that I have to be thankful for. including two wonderful kids that are pretty amazing that I really love. A husband who loves me, but is struggling with alcohol. A great career and wonderful jobs throughout.  A great boss, a good house to call home. A God who looks after me through thick and thin.

So the stress in life.  Stress can be good and bad.  I have chosen the challenges of returning to school, to my second job, I chose my roles in my church involvement.  All  are conscious decisions I made for myself.
Being a wife, a mother and friend are also choices I made to care, listen, love and risk heartbreak. I have chosen to work hard and have learned that this has resulted in compromises in other areas of my life and am learning to accept some of that, perhaps too slowly.

What I didn't expect is a husband who drinks, a daughter who seems to be caught up in a web of lies or living some sort of denial and a son who is too quick to give up on himself?  I didn't expect my husband to be issuing an ultimatum that is basically him or my daughter.  I didn't expect my daughter to throw in my face that I am doing nothing about my husband. 

My son has so much talent, but at the first sign of struggle he seems to give up and decides not to work at it.  My daughter has so much potential and she is letting everything else in the world cloud away her dreams.  My husband is a demonstrated leader and hard worker and I see it all withering away in the bottle along with his relationships with both me and the kids.  How can so much seem to be going wrong all at one?

I have been fighting so hard to keep my family together that it feels like it is for nothing.  I wonder if his statement on Thursday, the indication that one less person would be in this house by next week meant that I should leave? 
My daughter, now legally an adult, is allowing significant things to lapse in her life: school, overdue pay, drivers license, paying school loans and deciding on her future.  She expects to be treated like an adult and yet is in denial about all of this.  My husband doesn't seem to care that his drinking has any impact on the family and as hard as it is to accept that alcholism is an illness, the heart has a hard time accepting the behaviour and the words.

The stress of all of this is wearing very thin right now.  I am struggling to do my school paper. I am not achieving at work what I should be. I am avoiding confronting my husband on his drinking and I don't know if I am able to do any of this.

The risk of confronting him is as scary as thinking about living like this for much longer.  Either way, saying something is going to hurt as much as not saying anything.   It is too painful, but makes me wonder what is so painful in his life that is driving him to drink like this?

I need strength and wisdom and understanding and I do know that God has been here all along, but I am struggling to see the way clear on how to handle this.   I am doubting my own motivation.

I need prayer to hear God in all of this stress and to actually quiet my heart and mind to be able to hear him through the sorrow and pain that is clouding everything else.  I need God to look after each member of my family and to heal our hearts and what ever is causing all of this to happen.  I need God's help to know when and how to challenge the drinking, to know what to say to motivate my daughter and my son in their futures.  I need prayer for strength, wisdom, grace and love to work this out in what is potentially stepping into a hornets nest.

The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me." (Job 30:27).

A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. (Matthew 12:20).

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy soul with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:1-5