How could he? I was honest. I shared that I had confided in our friend and he has alienated himself. He has told the kids that this friend said I should divorce him. He will not let our friend come over and has even given our friend the finger and call this friend a horrible name in front of the kids.
How can such callous and immature behaviour be tolerated? How can he continually keep isolating us from those who were are friends? Why is it okay for him to tell people things about our marriage and it is unacceptable for me? Why am I supposed to respect marriage vows with someone who has shunned any semblance of a relationship with God? How is this right? I feel like I am reaching the limit of what can be tolerated. I am so tired of this unchristian behaviour. Where did the man I sat with in marriage preparation go? Where did the man who didn't drink every night disappear too? How long am I supposed to deal with this? What is the line in the sand that is beyond the acceptable?
I feel like giving up some times. Lord please grant me strength and stamina.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Sunday, 9 June 2013
Numb
There is a difference in doing what is expected of you. In following the rules and doing what is right and in doing something with passion.
It is right for me to honour my marriage vows which I have done. It is right for me to support my husband recognizing that alcoholism is a sickness. It is right for me to treat him with respect, compassion yet draw the line out of self respect. It is not right to do this with out grace and love.
It is hard to love when love is erratic. It is difficult to feel loving towards someone who seems to create an emotional roller coaster. How can I be loving when anger is unjustified, forgiveness is rare and disrespectful attitudes are prevalent. I cannot do this on my own. It will take God's help and my willingness to let him help me. I cannot find such love on my own with the worldly emotions that ensnare us. With God, I can ask him to show me how to love with grace, how to care when feeling uncared for and how to find the desire to love with enthusiasm rather than out of obligation. I don't think he wants me to be going through the motions only to honour a vow made before Him. God cares more about what is in my heart than what rules I am respecting. Am I being honest with myself if I am not trying to love. Am I trying to be a martyr? Christ gave much more than I have. I need to give and care as He did and can only do that with his help.
Ephesians 3:20-21
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
It is right for me to honour my marriage vows which I have done. It is right for me to support my husband recognizing that alcoholism is a sickness. It is right for me to treat him with respect, compassion yet draw the line out of self respect. It is not right to do this with out grace and love.
It is hard to love when love is erratic. It is difficult to feel loving towards someone who seems to create an emotional roller coaster. How can I be loving when anger is unjustified, forgiveness is rare and disrespectful attitudes are prevalent. I cannot do this on my own. It will take God's help and my willingness to let him help me. I cannot find such love on my own with the worldly emotions that ensnare us. With God, I can ask him to show me how to love with grace, how to care when feeling uncared for and how to find the desire to love with enthusiasm rather than out of obligation. I don't think he wants me to be going through the motions only to honour a vow made before Him. God cares more about what is in my heart than what rules I am respecting. Am I being honest with myself if I am not trying to love. Am I trying to be a martyr? Christ gave much more than I have. I need to give and care as He did and can only do that with his help.
Ephesians 3:20-21
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
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