Hard work

I know that anything worth while is worth working for, but what happens when you realize that the work required is uneven.  Pairs need equitable teamwork.  A pair of oxen or horses would end up in circles if one is working harder than the other.  A dance partnership would land on its face or behind if one worked harder than the other.

How do I know if I am working hard enough?  Am I working at protecting myself or am I really making an effort for our relationship?  I have dug some holes in the sense that I am doing a lot of things. Things that help me to avoid what may be wrong, difficult or necessary. 

I find it more an more challenging to spend time with someone who seems to be absorbed in the tv, has no desire to spend time with our friends or do anything together away from the TV.  I no longer like the same kind of shows, watch a fraction of TV and feel that the lack of effort in respecting my wishes in eroding any efforts I have made. 

Even common courtesy seems to be falling away.  When he is late for work, there is never a phone call. When he is out of town there is never a message confirming safe arrival, but I work hard to do that.  I don't understand why this is happening.  I don't appreciate being the one that is trying, but I can see where the activities I am choosing may also contribute to dividing us further.

I have chosen to try to work smarter in other areas of my life.  How can we both work smarter towards building our relationship rather than eroding what is left of it? I need help in forgiving the judgements, the curt comments and the cutting criticism.  I don't know how to put a stop to it and feel like I freeze when it happens which I am sure does nothing to prevent it again. 

Hoping that I can find the right path in 2013 and determine the right way of dealing with things.
Needing prayer and wisdom to move in the steps that God would have me.

Resignation?

What happens when you try to make up for lost time?  What happens when the supposed 'quality' time lacks just that?  What happens when the relationship becomes so much of an effort that it seems too painful?  It is becoming too difficult to feel like the only one making an effort.  It hurts to realize that getting back to the same wave length may take more work than I can muster the heart for.

The differences in perspectives comes into stark focus when the motivation behind gift giving is so disparaglingly different!  To such a point that I would be embarrassed to be associated with the idea of resigning to a gift card unless it has been asked for.  Might as well just give someone an envelop with cash in it and say Merry Christmas.

I am tired of making the effort to do something special when there doesn't even seem to be the motivation to try and think beyond the obligation.  It is not what is meant by gift giving.  I delight in trying to find the right thing, something special for each person, something unique.  How is it that a business card size of plastic can hold any meaning to the true gift of Christmas... but hey, that doesn't even matter when the refusal to attend church is so cold and sharp.

Am I heartbroken by the refusal to embrace the gift God has given each us or am I letting my pride and values be stepped on?