So an opportunity presents itself. I am not certain I agree that the candidate who has self identified is the best person. I am not sure that I could do a better job administratively, but know that I have the skills to offer and may be able to do the job with God's will. I am praying and seeking God's will and discernment about what is the most appropriate thing to do before I put my name forward.
I am disappointed in the group that I am working with as I feel that I am not on the same spiritual level and have different priorities. I am disappointed that the next meeting is booked while I am
away. I am getting the sense that maybe it is better just to step away and leave things in God's hands.
I also feel that it means that I am not answering the call that I should. That I should be stepping up and serving God even though I might not be on the same page. Is it supposed to be an up hill battle? Is it that I need to have more faith in God to move forward and let things fall where they may?
I am so uncertain and really don't know. I could put my name forward and see what the selection process results in. I will not be insulted, but sense that the other person may take it personally. I believe that it is a role of team building and not a role for questioning, undermining and eroding the the cohesive progress already made.
May I be the clay that God would have me be and conform to the role that I need to.
God bless.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Conviction, Confusion, Avoidance, Fear or Doubt
Navigating life in church is difficult at best when living with an alcoholic. Without betraying my spouse, how do I celebrate the appreciation of a sober time together? Without bringing embarrassment or betrayal, how do I share that God has given me strength in the darkest moments of my life?
When I cannot take my church life and the challenges, the joy of success and find a kindred spirit in my spouse, who do I take these things too? I am facing the challenge of continuing a key role or relinquishing it all together. I have been praying and reading scriptures and get the sense that perhaps I am to step up to the challenge despite my lack of confidence, my fear of failure and my doubt that I may not be on the same page spiritually as others.
I am praying for discernment and wisdom in moving forward and a clear understanding of what I am to do. I so wish that I could sit down and discuss it with my spouse, but other times when I bring up things that have been issues at church, I get a very unchristian type of response.
How do I face the challenge of contributing to the leadership of my church when I know that my relationship at home is strained and that currently I am living unequally yoked? Without betraying my spouse, how do I share my testimony of struggle, grief, assurance, and hope?
I know there is much to continue to work on in my marriage, but there has been significant progress in some areas and not so much in others. I fear that sharing this heartache much further will only jeopardize his trust and faith in the church.
I also struggle to see if I am connected at the same level spiritually at church. There is barely anyone my age at church and I have no one I feel comfortable confiding in. I fear that I am not able to carry out my job well and wonder if I should resign. I am torn between stepping up and walking away to another church given current politics, and unchristian like decisions, actions and maneuverings.
If I cannot trust and rely upon the people I am to work with, how can I take on a leadership role with them? If I cannot be feed in the church I am in and am working so hard at feeding others, how can I sustain that? If others don't step up, how can I be encouraged?
Are my doubts and questions a way of avoiding taking on the responsibility? Am I reverting to a level of selfishness that I feel is surrounding me? How can I be certain that my doubts are reasonable and not negativity creeping in?
I am not looking for intimacy, but am looking for someone to have a reasonable conversation around this that can give me guidance to the right perspective. I am praying, but just when I think I might have it figured out, I experience something that brings confusion back and leans me in the opposite direction. I am not seeking more responsibility for pride or position, but I am concerned about the leadership direction that may result if I don't step up. Perhaps that is the direction in which the people wish to go even though it may not be the direction God would like his church to go.
Praying for clarity of understanding and discernment to know when to make the decision.
God bless.
When I cannot take my church life and the challenges, the joy of success and find a kindred spirit in my spouse, who do I take these things too? I am facing the challenge of continuing a key role or relinquishing it all together. I have been praying and reading scriptures and get the sense that perhaps I am to step up to the challenge despite my lack of confidence, my fear of failure and my doubt that I may not be on the same page spiritually as others.
I am praying for discernment and wisdom in moving forward and a clear understanding of what I am to do. I so wish that I could sit down and discuss it with my spouse, but other times when I bring up things that have been issues at church, I get a very unchristian type of response.
How do I face the challenge of contributing to the leadership of my church when I know that my relationship at home is strained and that currently I am living unequally yoked? Without betraying my spouse, how do I share my testimony of struggle, grief, assurance, and hope?
I know there is much to continue to work on in my marriage, but there has been significant progress in some areas and not so much in others. I fear that sharing this heartache much further will only jeopardize his trust and faith in the church.
I also struggle to see if I am connected at the same level spiritually at church. There is barely anyone my age at church and I have no one I feel comfortable confiding in. I fear that I am not able to carry out my job well and wonder if I should resign. I am torn between stepping up and walking away to another church given current politics, and unchristian like decisions, actions and maneuverings.
If I cannot trust and rely upon the people I am to work with, how can I take on a leadership role with them? If I cannot be feed in the church I am in and am working so hard at feeding others, how can I sustain that? If others don't step up, how can I be encouraged?
Are my doubts and questions a way of avoiding taking on the responsibility? Am I reverting to a level of selfishness that I feel is surrounding me? How can I be certain that my doubts are reasonable and not negativity creeping in?
I am not looking for intimacy, but am looking for someone to have a reasonable conversation around this that can give me guidance to the right perspective. I am praying, but just when I think I might have it figured out, I experience something that brings confusion back and leans me in the opposite direction. I am not seeking more responsibility for pride or position, but I am concerned about the leadership direction that may result if I don't step up. Perhaps that is the direction in which the people wish to go even though it may not be the direction God would like his church to go.
Praying for clarity of understanding and discernment to know when to make the decision.
God bless.
Thursday, 1 November 2012
Easy to forget...
Sometime when we are struggling we forget how much we have to be thankful for. It is easy to become so focused on the challenges, the trials, the frustrations, the disappointments, the hurts and the sadness associated with a relationship with someone who has an addiction.
It is easy to forget the blessings that God has given us such as special friends who have been the supportive shoulder and the fresh perspective. The fact that my children have grown into amazing young people and that I have a job, a home and friends.
Sometimes it is surprising to think that maybe we need to be thankful for the struggle we might be facing. There is a story which has been attributed to Henry Miller which recognizes that dealing with struggle can be a form of strengthening for the future.
This is the story of a little boy and a butterfly........
Have you ever stopped to think about the life of a butterfly? We all know that the first stage in a Butterfly’s life is as a caterpillar and that it has to spin a cocoon, then it must lay dormant for awhile and finally a wonderful process happens and the result is a beautiful butterfly.
What can we learn from the story of the butterfly?
Once upon a time there was a young boy who always asked why? He needed to know the reason for everything and sometime he drove his family crazy with his questions. He was out walking in the park with his mother one day and he saw a beautiful butterfly. He said, “ I wish I was a beautiful butterfly - no worries, brightly coloured wings and the ability to go wherever I want. His mother smiled and said, “ it sounds like a wonderful dream but do you know where that butterfly comes from and what it must do before it becomes that beautiful butterfly?.
The young boy shook his head - then ask the question? Where do butterfly’s come from? His mother sat him down on a park bench and began to explain how the butterfly starts out life as a caterpillar, crawling around the ground, hiding from birds who might just look on them as tasty morsels for an afternoon snack. She explained that the caterpillar decides when it’s time to rest and they find a comfortable tree or a shady spot and they spin a cocoon - almost like a silken blanket that covers them from top to bottom. It’s a warm, safe spot and soon the caterpillar begins to change, shedding their not so pretty look and beginning to develop the wonderful beauty that will eventually become a butterfly. The mother explained that the change takes time, but that it always happens and the result is a beautiful butterfly.
The young boy was really excited and asked if he could watch a caterpillar change into a butterfly - mom agreed and at the right time of the season - they went “caterpillar” hunting - looking for that perfect caterpillar, one they could watch and actually see the changes happening.
They found the perfect caterpillar and carefully placed it in a big jar - feeding it lots of leaves and making sure that the caterpillar had plenty of room within his safe environment. Sure enough, he began to spin the cocoon and eventually the caterpillar was completely covered with a silken blanket - there was nothing visible for the little boy to see, but the silken bundle.
He waited patiently watching and checking the jar daily, one day, he saw the cocoon beginning to move, ever so slowly a small hole was punctured in the silken bundle - the young boy was so excited he could hardly contain himself - he was anxiously awaiting the “birth” of his special butterfly! As he watched the bundle continued to move, but nothing was happening to the small hole in the end....the hours passed and still no butterfly.......he couldn’t understand what was taking so long......
He thought - what can I do? He had an idea, he said - “I know! I will get my mom’s scissors and help the butterfly get out, I’ll cut a little larger hole in the end of the cocoon and this will help the butterfly get out.” He got a small pair of scissors and quickly snipped a little piece off the end of the cocoon - proud that he had helped the butterfly out. He watched the expanded hole and soon out came ......a strange looking creature, not a beautiful butterfly - not with beautiful wings, but an odd shaped and awkward creature - “Mom lied” he thought and quickly ran to tell her what had happened.
His mother looked at the cocoon, and at the poor unfortunate creature that had emerged and she quietly explained what had happened.
You see the butterfly must break out the cocoon without help, because each push and thrust to break through causes the butterfly’s body to strengthen and shape up to allow it to fly when it emerges......
What the little boy didn’t realize was that sometimes you have to struggle first, before you can fly.....
Just like the butterfly .......we can all fly, but sometimes we have to struggle first........
The young boy learned a valuable lesson - sometimes a helping hand, isn’t what’s needed - it’s the opportunity to let nature take it’s course and work with the powers within ourselves.
1 Peter 5:10 ESV
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
On good days and bad may we remember to always thank God.
God bless.
It is easy to forget the blessings that God has given us such as special friends who have been the supportive shoulder and the fresh perspective. The fact that my children have grown into amazing young people and that I have a job, a home and friends.
Sometimes it is surprising to think that maybe we need to be thankful for the struggle we might be facing. There is a story which has been attributed to Henry Miller which recognizes that dealing with struggle can be a form of strengthening for the future.
Networking is about building relationships, helping others and
helping ourselves, sometimes we need to learn to let nature take it’s
course......we can’t always have what we want, when we want it. The story below
is a lesson in life.
This is the story of a little boy and a butterfly........
Have you ever stopped to think about the life of a butterfly? We all know that the first stage in a Butterfly’s life is as a caterpillar and that it has to spin a cocoon, then it must lay dormant for awhile and finally a wonderful process happens and the result is a beautiful butterfly.
What can we learn from the story of the butterfly?
Once upon a time there was a young boy who always asked why? He needed to know the reason for everything and sometime he drove his family crazy with his questions. He was out walking in the park with his mother one day and he saw a beautiful butterfly. He said, “ I wish I was a beautiful butterfly - no worries, brightly coloured wings and the ability to go wherever I want. His mother smiled and said, “ it sounds like a wonderful dream but do you know where that butterfly comes from and what it must do before it becomes that beautiful butterfly?.
The young boy shook his head - then ask the question? Where do butterfly’s come from? His mother sat him down on a park bench and began to explain how the butterfly starts out life as a caterpillar, crawling around the ground, hiding from birds who might just look on them as tasty morsels for an afternoon snack. She explained that the caterpillar decides when it’s time to rest and they find a comfortable tree or a shady spot and they spin a cocoon - almost like a silken blanket that covers them from top to bottom. It’s a warm, safe spot and soon the caterpillar begins to change, shedding their not so pretty look and beginning to develop the wonderful beauty that will eventually become a butterfly. The mother explained that the change takes time, but that it always happens and the result is a beautiful butterfly.
The young boy was really excited and asked if he could watch a caterpillar change into a butterfly - mom agreed and at the right time of the season - they went “caterpillar” hunting - looking for that perfect caterpillar, one they could watch and actually see the changes happening.
They found the perfect caterpillar and carefully placed it in a big jar - feeding it lots of leaves and making sure that the caterpillar had plenty of room within his safe environment. Sure enough, he began to spin the cocoon and eventually the caterpillar was completely covered with a silken blanket - there was nothing visible for the little boy to see, but the silken bundle.
He waited patiently watching and checking the jar daily, one day, he saw the cocoon beginning to move, ever so slowly a small hole was punctured in the silken bundle - the young boy was so excited he could hardly contain himself - he was anxiously awaiting the “birth” of his special butterfly! As he watched the bundle continued to move, but nothing was happening to the small hole in the end....the hours passed and still no butterfly.......he couldn’t understand what was taking so long......
He thought - what can I do? He had an idea, he said - “I know! I will get my mom’s scissors and help the butterfly get out, I’ll cut a little larger hole in the end of the cocoon and this will help the butterfly get out.” He got a small pair of scissors and quickly snipped a little piece off the end of the cocoon - proud that he had helped the butterfly out. He watched the expanded hole and soon out came ......a strange looking creature, not a beautiful butterfly - not with beautiful wings, but an odd shaped and awkward creature - “Mom lied” he thought and quickly ran to tell her what had happened.
His mother looked at the cocoon, and at the poor unfortunate creature that had emerged and she quietly explained what had happened.
You see the butterfly must break out the cocoon without help, because each push and thrust to break through causes the butterfly’s body to strengthen and shape up to allow it to fly when it emerges......
What the little boy didn’t realize was that sometimes you have to struggle first, before you can fly.....
Just like the butterfly .......we can all fly, but sometimes we have to struggle first........
The young boy learned a valuable lesson - sometimes a helping hand, isn’t what’s needed - it’s the opportunity to let nature take it’s course and work with the powers within ourselves.
1 Peter 5:10 ESV
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
On good days and bad may we remember to always thank God.
God bless.
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