I just don't know

How could the drinking get any worse?  How could he not see the impact it is having?  A few weeks ago, son was at work and he fell in the garage.  I heard the commotion and went to see what was wrong.  He claimed that everything was okay, yet he was struggling to get back to his feet.  He eventually came in.  He went back out to the garage a little later and fell again.  He then passed out on the garage floor.  I was trying to get him up when our son came home and coaxed him back in the house.

Now he can barely walk when he comes to bed.  How much worse can it get?  I do not understand how he does not see what he is doing to himself.  He doesn't sleep well and he passes out every night in the chair.  There is no predicting how he will react to anything and it is like waiting for a time bomb to go off.

I do not like being touched by him when he has been drinking.  He is clumsy, rough and far from affectionate and romantic.  I am finding it so much harder to find what is left to love.  I am not sure if I am in a better place as I know I cannot control the situation, but I also wonder if I am falling out of love.  I cannot find it within myself to walk away, but yet I am beginning to truly dread the idea of what an empty nest will bring.

If my competition is the bottle then how do I compete?  If logic is gone, how do I reason? How do I move forward?

Interesting verse encountered this weekend:

“Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10 For I am with you,and no one is going to attack and harm you Acts 18:9b-10a.