How do you get to "no doubting"

I am not sure if it is complacency, numbness but I no longer fear him.  I actually feel sorry for him and wish I knew what I could do to help him.

This is an illness, but it is not a illness that is normal.  It is not take two aspirin and call me in the morning or something that a bandage fixes or surgery can remove.

What scares me the most is the future.  Living in a relationship that is less and less something to look forward to.  Living more and more independently as I will not remain at home feeling sorry for myself.  That The joy of Christ is not a common thing we can share. That he can find such horrendous things to say to undermine what Christ does.

Son volunteered at a Christian winter retreat and he obliterated any sense of purity by saying to him he didn't care if he had fun, a good time or got laid, so long as he got enough sleep before he drove home.  (It is a lengthy drive, but that was uncalled for)

A recurring theme so far this year is making the right decision.  What is the right decision.  I said when all this started, that I would not be that woman, 7 years later, tearfully pouring my heart out about what my husband's drinking is doing to me.

Here I am over 7 years later and though I may not be tearful, I am disappointed that I am unable to change things.  Granted I know that God can and I have not been diligent in praying for his hand in all of this, but I have prayed earnestly for Him to heal, to look after him and to make it stop.  I also know that it is God's time and that I am stronger now, but I am actually now reluctant to think about what the next steps might be.

If this is sickness, and the patient refuses treatment, then do I really stay?
If this is no longer the right place, then what is?
Is it a matter of fearing the results of this or fearing making the break?

Even if I tried to seek a separation to force him to get some help, something tells me that it would be the end and he would never forgive me.

James 1:5-6English Standard Version (ESV)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

I just don't know

How could the drinking get any worse?  How could he not see the impact it is having?  A few weeks ago, son was at work and he fell in the garage.  I heard the commotion and went to see what was wrong.  He claimed that everything was okay, yet he was struggling to get back to his feet.  He eventually came in.  He went back out to the garage a little later and fell again.  He then passed out on the garage floor.  I was trying to get him up when our son came home and coaxed him back in the house.

Now he can barely walk when he comes to bed.  How much worse can it get?  I do not understand how he does not see what he is doing to himself.  He doesn't sleep well and he passes out every night in the chair.  There is no predicting how he will react to anything and it is like waiting for a time bomb to go off.

I do not like being touched by him when he has been drinking.  He is clumsy, rough and far from affectionate and romantic.  I am finding it so much harder to find what is left to love.  I am not sure if I am in a better place as I know I cannot control the situation, but I also wonder if I am falling out of love.  I cannot find it within myself to walk away, but yet I am beginning to truly dread the idea of what an empty nest will bring.

If my competition is the bottle then how do I compete?  If logic is gone, how do I reason? How do I move forward?

Interesting verse encountered this weekend:

“Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10 For I am with you,and no one is going to attack and harm you Acts 18:9b-10a.