I don't know what to think any more...
There have been a series of medical appointments to get to the bottom of something, and each time there is a sobering up period and then the afternoon the appointment is done, the drinking starts again.
Why do I fall for it? Why do I think something is really changing when in fact it just isn't. Why do I hold on to such hope?
I heard some interesting testimony recently that sometimes that which is challenging to us is testing us, building us, preparing us for the future. I find it hard to believe that I would merit or could meet the demands of such a challenge, but continue to ask God for strength, wisdom and patience. I am spending too much time with the computer rather than working on the relationship. Don't get me wrong, I haven't completely thrown in the towel, but I find it exasperating to just watch tv and not even decent tv. There are no other initiatives to go out except when we can all go out.
If just he and I ever go out it might be for a breakfast and he spends time reading the paper. That is not my idea of an enjoyable meal together.
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