Numb, Apathy or Reassured? Mar 1 2014

I don't know what to think any more...

There have been a series of medical appointments to get to the bottom of something, and each time there is a sobering up period and then the afternoon the appointment is done, the drinking starts again.
Why do I fall for it?  Why do I think something is really changing when in fact it just isn't. Why do I hold on to such hope?

I heard some interesting testimony recently that sometimes that which is challenging to us is testing us, building us, preparing us for the future.  I find it hard to believe that I would merit or could meet the demands of such a challenge, but continue to ask God for strength, wisdom and patience.  I am spending too much time with the computer rather than working on the relationship.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't completely thrown in the towel, but I find it exasperating to just watch tv and not even decent tv.  There are no other initiatives to go out except when we can all go out.

If just he and I ever go out it might be for a breakfast and he spends time reading the paper. That is not my idea of an enjoyable meal together.

How?

Today, I was reminded of Ephesians 3:14-21.  As I think about what has gone on over the last number of years, I can only believe that it is through His power that I have survived.  It boggles my mind that I did not feel half the strength I feel today, but it is not my strength that brought me hear.  It is His. It is His that sustains me. May this continue to be my prayer for me and my family and all those who have reached a wall.
" For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen"