It is one thing to forget someone's birthday, but it is quite another to forget the birthday of your spouse. After a number of consecutive evenings of drinking, why would I have been surprised that my special day would be forgotten. Not just the morning, not even that evening... one would think that as I dashed off to the license bureau might have been an indicator.
For the first time in 27 years, he forgot my birthday. Is it really about me? Even if it isn't supposed to be, I could not believe how heart broken I felt. Even the next morning there was no comment. I did come home to an apology that evening and there appeared to be honest remorse.
I am trying to comprehend how much more hurt I can take. I really struggled the other day as folks asked me if I had done anything special for my birthday and I could not admit that it had been forgotten. It still stings. Despite everything, it just feels like I cannot clear this fog and I don't want to be feeling this down. There is so much to appreciate, but I can't appreciate with a joyful heart right now and that feels so wrong.
Praying for strength, discernment, patience and wisdom to know what needs to be done. I just feel like I keep putting my heart out there to get squished over and over again. If my heart belongs to Jesus, why does it keep getting hurt?
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