Not sure if it is just discouragement or resignation. So he quit smoking. It has been one month of walking around on eggshells. Hoping not to offend. Trying to ensure that I say the right thing. Not always successful.
It is no longer a matter of trying to keep the peace, it has become a matter of avoidance and trying not to upset the apple cart. The nicotine withdrawal creates negative mood swings and add on some wine and it is just like having stolen the honey pot from a grouchy bear.
I think I have the courage at times to confront and then just back up in fear (on the inside anyways). I really am not equipped to handle and angry drunk and wonder how I am to try and hold a marriage together with such a volatile and unpredictable mood. Even the kids would rather be anywhere else but home.
I am continually surprised by more angry outbursts and irrational comments and decisions. I really don't understand what is going on anymore and it is hard for someone who just wants to fix things!
I keep reading and I believe that marriage vows are for life and believe that that is the preference in the Bible. But I also read that we need to separate ourselves from unclean things and in some cases be willing to leave our families for God, but I don't think that is the context I am to read into things.
He offered to take our son to a strip club last week. I was aghast that he would even contemplate something like that. I just don't know what is happening anymore.
Praying for wisdom and strong faith!
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