I am 50 percent responsible for my relationship with anyone else and 100 percent responsible for my relationship with myself.
If someone is continually judgemental, run from that relationship. It is an energy drainer and not an energizing relationship. Voice of a closed mind is judgement. Suspending judgement is difficult.
How often do I give a false "yes" to please, to conform, to avoid conflict? How many false "yes's" before the resentment becomes too much?
If I only use 10 percent, of what I give others, on myself, what a difference it could make.
How did the same Creator make me and make Trump, Hitler, the criminals, the others I struggle with? God created each of us. He created my spouse. He created Trump. He created Hitler. He created everyone. How is that? How do we differ so much in how we treat others? If the other person is as human as I am, how do I observe without judgement? Can I?
People stay in unhealthy relationships - better to stay in the known than what I don't know.
Safety vs Purpose? Safety can be the danger zone.
Deconstruct to allow something new to appear in the visible.
Let go of the trapeze to grasp the next one.
Fear inhibits the letting go
Fear can be when we are frozen.
Change your ego. Change your story. Change your story. Change your life.
What is my request?
Have to let go to let come.
Love has no conditions.
Safety= Fear
Sunday, 11 February 2018
Monday, 15 January 2018
Aimless
Well, the time arrived where the empty nest happened. Quiet has decended on our home as grown up children begin their new lives. Morning the quiet, proud of their next steps, excited for their new accomplishments yet anxious about returning home each evening to the unknown. Such a roller coaster of peaks and valleys.
Letting go is not easy. Drawing boundaries even remains difficult. Fighting back at the criticisms and insults seems pointless at times. WOndering about what might have been if there was no booze. Still a dreamer, but crashing down to reality more often.
Is it bad that I look forward to him being away? It is wrong that time alone is like gold? Is it selfish? I almost resent the return home. Why does alcohol become so all-consuming? It is like there is an affair going on but it is with the booze.
Most nights upon arrival home, admittedly later and later, ther eis some passed out unknown person who then stumbles to bed at who knows what hour. Burying myself in studies and other activities give a reprieve to what the real world must be like.
In sickness and in health... who knew that this would be the kind of sickness I would encounter. Who know that there would be a turn from professed believer to practically a denier. Who knew that I would struggle to pray for him to believe, to stop drinking and to be a friend rather than a drunken foe.
Wny do I find it so hard to make a decision about this relationship? Is it the security? Is it the fear of the unknown? Is it the risk of anger? Is it the fear of failure or admitting failure has happened? Is it fear of retaliation?
What are the pros of ending this relationship? Freedom, independence, elimination of negativity, anger, criticism, insults, uneven relationship, losing what I have now, compromising plans.
Cons - the cost, the embarrassment, the likely hatred, the disappointment, starting over, change in routine.
What no longer exists now? Is mending an option or possibility? What direction is the right direction?
What about the suspicion? Is it an affair? Would he dare? I caught him before and it stopped immediately and was remorseful. How do I get past that? Is that enough reason to walk away?
So many questions and so much uncertainty. How can we dream and plan if there is not discussion.
Does that mean we stop?
Letting go is not easy. Drawing boundaries even remains difficult. Fighting back at the criticisms and insults seems pointless at times. WOndering about what might have been if there was no booze. Still a dreamer, but crashing down to reality more often.
Is it bad that I look forward to him being away? It is wrong that time alone is like gold? Is it selfish? I almost resent the return home. Why does alcohol become so all-consuming? It is like there is an affair going on but it is with the booze.
Most nights upon arrival home, admittedly later and later, ther eis some passed out unknown person who then stumbles to bed at who knows what hour. Burying myself in studies and other activities give a reprieve to what the real world must be like.
In sickness and in health... who knew that this would be the kind of sickness I would encounter. Who know that there would be a turn from professed believer to practically a denier. Who knew that I would struggle to pray for him to believe, to stop drinking and to be a friend rather than a drunken foe.
Wny do I find it so hard to make a decision about this relationship? Is it the security? Is it the fear of the unknown? Is it the risk of anger? Is it the fear of failure or admitting failure has happened? Is it fear of retaliation?
What are the pros of ending this relationship? Freedom, independence, elimination of negativity, anger, criticism, insults, uneven relationship, losing what I have now, compromising plans.
Cons - the cost, the embarrassment, the likely hatred, the disappointment, starting over, change in routine.
What no longer exists now? Is mending an option or possibility? What direction is the right direction?
What about the suspicion? Is it an affair? Would he dare? I caught him before and it stopped immediately and was remorseful. How do I get past that? Is that enough reason to walk away?
So many questions and so much uncertainty. How can we dream and plan if there is not discussion.
Does that mean we stop?
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