Worn by Tenth Avenue North (Mike Donehey, Jeff Owen, Jason Ingram)

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too week
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA

Peace of Mind can be a choice and a gift.

Letting go sometimes is so hard to do.  We decided to go to a movie the other day as a family.  A treat in itself until I realized that he had already been drinking.  They had been working outside most of the afternoon and in the basement. My son admitted to having 3 clamato and beer drinks and mentioned that Dad had offered him a 4th, but he was starting to feel tipsy.  Not sure how many hubby had, but son's breath smelled like clamato. Hubby's breath smelled like booze.  He was visibly tipsy and  not in all that great of humour.

He was in an even more foul mood when I hopped in the driver's seat, but I wasn't going to let him drive.  He grumbled explicitly, but let it go.  It was a good movie and we had a nice time despite the rocky start.

Yes, I wish he hadn't been drinking. Yes, I wish that he hadn't been giving drinks to my son, but he is old enough now and thankfully, responsible enough to say no too!  Yes the evening could have started off on a more pleasant note, but I chose not to let his poor decision making ruin it for me.

I ignored his grumbling about driving, let him pick the movie seats and thoroughly enjoyed the movie.  I realized that his drinking is not my problem. His attitude is not my problem and he will eventually move from the grumpy mood to a better one. Yes, sobering up for a couple hours probably helped too.

God is what is important.  All other things will pass.

John 14:27 ESV

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 13:33 ESV

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Fear, Worry and Being Strong

On the way home from an appointment today, he tells me he will find out how much time he has to live in a couple weeks!!!  I thought what on earth. He went to the dentist today... Guess he went to the docs too.  There is a lump.  There is a lump in his neck.  It is interfering with turning his head, his jaw and he goes back in a couple weeks to find out what it might be. 

I watched the footage of Cmdr Chris Hadfield returning to Earth in the Soyuz space ship and thought that is was a scary endeavour to come hurtling towards earth like a dead weight.  I am not sure what scares me more, that or thinking about what could be wrong.

How can something so small grow to be something so very scary.   What could be causing it?  Why is it located below and behind his ear?  Why does two weeks seem like an eternity all of a sudden?  Praying that it isn't anything.  Praying that it is something simple.  

Philippians 4:6-7 ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

How can someone who has caused me such heartache merit my concern?  I do love the man that I married. I just do not like his behaviours.  Thankful that he has shared this with me. Pray that he is able to avoid worrying about it.

Prayers are always appreciated.

God bless.

Motherhood

Being a mother is an easy thing to become.  Being a good mother is a challenge and something I think we all aspire to be.  Being a mother that can accept hat she can't do everything on Pinterest or that is in the various magazines and tv shows is human.  Being a mother in a relationship with an alcoholic is far more difficult.

Have I shown Christian love when I should have?  Have I been repulsed by inappropriate behavior? Have I been insulting towards their father when I should have?  Have I condoned the inappropriate drinking?  The risk of my children becoming alcoholics is increased.  Have I planted the right seeds to prevent that from happening? Have I been respectful of their father when I should be? Have I set them up for codependency in their future?  I pray not.

I am truly blessed to have amazing kids and pray that what mistakes I have made are lessons for them as well and what I have done right, remains with them.  May God show them the He can do immearsureably more than asked or imagine so that they know they can always turn to God.  Praying that they turn to Him in faith and not due to similar trials.  May God always be with them.