I attended an event where I was completely taken aback that God spoke so directly to me. The speaker shared his message. I could not have imagined what would follow would touch the core of my heart so deeply. He asked if he could have five more minutes and was given it. He stopped and then explained he was going to share something he had not planned.
He shared the story of a woman who struggled in a marriage with an alcoholic husband who was a night club owner, two young children, 5 and 4 months, a girl and a boy. She worked in a doctors office and had access to prescription drugs. It came to a point for her that she had seriously considered a murder suicide to the point where she was ready to drug her children and then herself until she realized there might not be enough time. She had reached a point where she could not imagine carrying on or leaving her children behind to suffer a life with an alcoholic father. The night she had planned on this, she dozed off at the table and realized that there would not be time to achieve her plan without risk of being found too soon, ending up at the hospital getting there stomach pumped and having to live with even more difficulty.
She set things aside as her husband would be home soon. The next day, a neighbour asked if he and his wife could take her 5 year old daughter to Church. She agreed. The 5 year old came home excited and shared the story she learned and the craft she had made and persistently begged her Mom to come next time. Her neighbour came by to invite the daughter to Sunday school again and heard that she wanted her Mom to come and the Mom confirmed she would be going. Five year olds are so persistent!!! Long story short, the mother became a Christian, was listening to Christian music at home, but hiding it, but she was living the Joy of knowing God. One day her husband came home and heard one of her Christian music songs and he was not drunk. He complained he had gone to one bar and the beer was horrible and then another and the beer was horrible and then his own bar and the beer was the same. He fired his manager and came home. He became a Christian. The amazing part of that story is the lives of those children who grew up to lead strong Christian lives and that the 4 month little boy was the 37 year old man who unexpectedly shared his testimony.
So where I was beginning to wonder if I should be putting a period to my marriage and the doubt that I have that there would ever be healing, I suspect that God is asking me to let it be a comma. Where I have to remember the Joy of the Lord is my Strength. I also know that how I deal with things impacts the kids and pray that they too can feel God's hand on their shoulders. I spoke to the speaker after and acknowledged that I faced similar challenges that his mother did. He prayed with me. It was as if God was speaking through him, in speaking only what God could know about the hurt, the depression, the rejection, the resentment as he prayed for all that to be removed. It was a prayer like I have never experienced. Though there were so many kids in the Sanctuary and the room was abuzz, all I remember hearing were the clear, undistorted surround sound quality of the voice as if we were the only people in the room, perhaps like being in a sound booth.
I can be thankful that God has always been with me and that I never reached so low as to consider taking my life. I can be thankful that my children are great kids, growing up in the church and still involved. I can be completely thankful that God has looked after us despite the heartache that alcohol has caused. I am thankful that my kids heard the same message and pray that they see the hope that I am trying so hard to see. I pray that God will continue to strengthen each of us and thank him for the hand he had in speaking to me so directly yesterday.
Ephesians 3:20 - 21
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
